


If I Can't Speak The Words (I'll sing to you)

by itouchedthefire



Series: The Soundtrack of You [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Panic Attacks, Protective Magnus Bane, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itouchedthefire/pseuds/itouchedthefire
Summary: “Is a theater thing. When words are not enough, we start singing."orThree times Magnus sang to Alec when words weren’t enough.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: The Soundtrack of You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859548
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	If I Can't Speak The Words (I'll sing to you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This work is inspired by the most beautiful song, I'll Sing To You by Casey Breves. I swear, this man is a god!  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

_I hope you feel beautiful/I hope you feel loved_

It started when they slept in the same bed for the first time. They were both drunk out of their minds, a consequence of the wedding both men attended earlier in the day, way too tired to care to find Magnus’ actual guest suite, and way too (not so) secretly in love with each other to pass the chance of sleeping together. So, when they snuggled up in bed, terribly hiding the way seeing the other in a tux made them feel, Magnus held Alec the way both of them wanted. Tight and close, arms around his waist and nose buried in the messy curls, Alec’s head resting on Magnus’ chest, the older man’s heart beat serving as a sweet lullaby to him. It was almost meant to be.

And then, Magnus held him just a little too tight, his fingers brushed over one of the deeper scars he hid way to well, and Alec was gone.

The first seconds after Alec pushing him away, Magnus just stared at him. Now sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes blown wide to the point the blue wasn’t visible, fear so visible it almost hurt to look, Alec seemed not to be able to breathe, his whole physique taken by the panic running in his mind.

“Alexander” Magnus carefully sat up, keeping his eyes on the man “It’s me, Alexander, Magnus” he adjusted himself in bed, still keeping his eyes on Alec. “Can you take a deep breath for me?”

The pained sound that came from the other man twisted a knife into Magnus’ gut. He knew Alec had panic attacks sometimes, but didn’t knew why or how to help him, usually relying on the ever presence of Jace, who seemed to know exactly what to do. Well, technically, Jace was just up the stairs, but it was his wedding and Magnus really didn’t want to walk into his honeymoon. Oh no, definitely no. He needed to try to help Alec, and if that didn’t work, then he would scar himself for life.

Alec’s mind was racing, too overwhelming for him to try the thousands of ways he could stop it on his own. Even that was making him anxious, knowing that there were ways to calm the storm in him by himself, but being unable to remember how. Flashes of past hurt and sorrow flooded his veins, making Alec completely lose sight of the anchoring thread of consciousness that still ran in his veins. He was lost, alone in the dark, trapped in his mind with no way out.

Then someone started to sing. So low he didn’t even register it at first, a sweet raspy voice sang, soothing and solid, a beacon of light in the midst of the turmoil. So Alec held tight to that voice, focusing only in it. _Magnus’ voice_ , he realized at some point, maybe when he finally opened his eyes again, coming face to face with the soothing voice owner. Magnus seemed relieved, but didn’t stopped singing, continuing until Alec felt comfortable cuddling close once again, way soberer than before, and Magnus held him again, the caring and sweet touch so light it was barely there.

“I’m sorry” Alec murmured.

“There’s no need for that, my darling” Magnus dared to leave a kiss in Alec’s hair “I’ve got you”.

_I hope when the waves come crashing down/you can pick yourself right up_

Since then, it became their thing. When Alec felt too overwhelmed by memories, or when something triggered the part of his memories he wished he could forget, Magnus would sing for him, a calming and strong presence Keeping Alec anchored.

It happened again during one of their movie nights, while Magnus made popcorn the way Alec liked while the younger man choose what they would watch. Knowing Alec, it would probably be some sort of documentary in the history of weaponry, as the last two ones were. Not that Magnus was complaining: he loved watching Alec’s reactions to those kinds of movies, and would totally take that as an opportunity to stare at the beautiful man without being too, too creepy.

That was the plan and it worked up until the older man brought the enormous popcorn tubs to the living room, just to find Alec frozen in the couch, eyes glassy and hands trembling while the trailer to Boy Erased playing on TV. Oh, sweet angels…

“Alexander?” he asked softly, placing the popcorn onto the coffee table before taking Alec’s hands in his. They got better in the “touching” department, and now Alec recognized the soft way Magnus’ touches always were, even when his mind went to, as Alec called, _dark places_. “Pretty boy, can you talk to me?”

Blue eyes looked at him, not focusing at anything. He seemed to whisper something, but Magnus couldn’t understand it, and so, he just kept talking, making sure Alec knew he wasn’t alone.

Then, words started escaping him, and he started singing. When asked later by Alec, he couldn’t remember what specific song it was, he just sang. Heart and soul and _love_ pouring out of every single word as Alec slowly came back to the moment, cuddling close as he always did; popcorn and movies forgotten.

“You watched it?” Alec asked a few minutes after the songs stopped and they stayed in silence for a while.

“Yes, darling” Magnus cleared his throat “Right after you told me about everything. I wanted… I wanted to understand as best as I could”

“Oh, Mags” the younger man hugged him tightly “You didn’t have to”

“Handsome, please, look at me” the softness in Magnus’ voice made impossible for Alec to deny the request “When I said I was here for everything, I meant it. I fell in love with every single part of you”

“Even the ugly ones?”

“Alexander, there is no ugly part in you.” Magnus stroked the ink black locks sweetly “I don’t call you handsome just to flatter you”

“You are one to say” Alec rolled his eyes “I don’t think you ever came close to being less than perfect, Mags”

“Oh, there’s plenty a time for you to learn about those parts of me, darling.

“Magnus, I know we danced around it for a while, but… I want this, us, to be official” Alec looked up at Magnus, seeing as the man’s breath hitched “I want to get to know you, but not as friends or lovers or… This weird grey area we’re on”

“Judging by your wardrobe, you do enjoy some grey, Alexander”

“Not when it comes to this” the younger chuckled “Mags… Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Oh, my Alexander” Magnus smiled, softly kissing the young man “There is nothing I would like more than to call you boyfriend. I am one lucky man”

Alec smiled “Not as lucky as I am”

_I hope all the people in your life/make you feel like you're enough_

When it happened again, Magnus wasn’t alone with Alec. They were hosting dinner, right after deciding to move in together. Alec’s family and in-laws came along, and Magnus’ closest friends were there too. They had a lovely time with Alec’s mother, who finally came around her prejudices to meet her newest son-in-law, and they got along fairly well. Of course, with Jace and Izzy, there was no way an uncomfortable atmosphere would last. Adding that to Catarina and Ragnor getting up to their usual shenanigans as Magnus and Raphael amusedly watched they had the recipe for a sweet night.

That was until Alec’s father decided to bitterly end it. Ever since he and Maryse had divorced, Robert Lightwood had almost been completely cut out of his kid’s lives. The minimal contact he did have with his three older kids was through the youngest, Max, who Alec, Jace and Izzy refused to leave behind. Max was under Robert’s custody, and even though it pained everyone else, there was not much they could do to revert the situation, and Max was only nine, he didn’t deserve to be shunned out because of his father’s horrible actions.

They knew the long exposure to Robert’s twisted ideas would get to Max at some point, so the Lightwood siblings made an effort to show the young boy the other side to whatever argument Robert fed him. That led Max to many sleepovers at Alec’s apartment when Magnus was there, staying for dinner at maximum, as it was the only time oldest and youngest got together, and it seemed to work. Max was enchanted by Magnus and his, on the boy’s words, “incredible style”, and the fact they were both men didn’t seem to bother him. Not until that fateful night.

Maryse had headed home by then, and with some insisting from Raphael, him Catarina and Ragnor were gone too, leaving the Lightwoods, Clary, Simon and Magnus alone. They drank a little more, talked and laughed, all three couples happily hanging out when Alec’s phone ringed.

“I’ll get that for you, love” Magnus jumped into action, kissing Alec’s cheek before heading to the kitchen, were the phone laid abandoned”

“How did you strike such a good one, big brother?” Izzy asked teasingly, adjusting herself in her boyfriend’s lap “I mean, you deserve it, but I got to say, it’s pretty lucky for a first one”

“Izzy, you were the one who introduced us!” Alec laughed.

“Yeah, ‘cause you looked miserable and it’s never good when the best man looks miserable in the bachelor party” Jace pointed out.

“So it was your idea” Simon quickly joined the conversation.

“Well, technically it was mine” Clary shrugged “When we decided to have the parties together, I _knew_ Magnus would be head over heels for Alec, I mean, you are really his type”

“Well, for once I’m actually glad you we’re noisy and introduced me to him” the oldest Lightwood smiled seeing his boyfriend return with his phone in hands. “So…?”

“It’s a text” Magnus handed him the phone, quickly curling up on his boyfriend’s side “I think it’s Maximilian’s, but I didn’t want to intrude your private conversations”

“As if anything between you two is private” Clary chirped in, making her husband laugh.

“Oh, Biscuit, you wouldn’t know” Magnus teased, looking at Alec and tensing up when he saw his face “Darling, is everything alright?”

“Alec?” Jace stepped closer “What’s up, man?” he shared a knowing look with his brother’s boyfriend, and quickly stepped in into the caring persona he knew Alec needed.

“It’s… Maxi texted” Alec’s voice, and his mind, sounded incredibly far away “It’s pretty bad”

“Let me see it” the blond asked, receiving a firm headshake “C’mon Alec, let me see it” it took a little more insisting and Izzy joining in, but they finally saw the text.

“Oh… Darling” Magnus whispered, bringing his boyfriend to his lap, cradling him as Jace sat beside them, trying to keep Alec away from his dark thoughts”

“ _My brother died when you decided to continue in a life of sin. Please do not contact me_ ” Izzy read in a small whisper to Simon and Clary “Big brother, you know this is Robert talking, right? Maxi adores you”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re the only one that can get him to stay still for more than five minutes” Simon piped up.

“At all, in fact” Jace completed the thought, watching closely as Alec seemed to just go deeper and deeper into the turmoil that took over his emotions. The blond looked up at Magnus, lost at what to do. That was when Magnus started to sing.

He was a theater major, had done a couple shows and was the star of his high school drama club. That didn’t mean that singing in public, or with an audience bigger than just Alexander was easy for him. Especially like this, a moment that he was used to share with just his boyfriend, when he sang out of his heart lyrics he later wouldn’t remember. In this occasion, apparently, he had switched to his native language while holding Alexander close, stroking his hair and lulling him to sleep. When that was accomplished, he stopped singing and realized just how many eyes were on him. Magnus was a lover of attention, but not like this.

“That was…” Clary started, her voice so low it was barely registered by Magnus “I didn’t know you could sing like that”

“I didn’t know anyone could sing like that” Izzy said “And I’m engaged to a musician”

“Magnus… Do you do that often?” Jace asked, seeming as shocked as the others.

“Sometimes” the older man answered, looking lovingly to Alec sleeping in his arms “Is a theater thing. When words are not enough, we start singing. And then, when songs aren’t enough, we dance.” He chuckled “We haven’t got to the point of dancing yet, but I say we’re not far from it”

“I was so right before” Izzy said, her eyes glistening with unshed tears “Alec… He’s just so lucky to have you.”

Magnus found himself smiling. He looked at the sleeping man in his arms, “Not as lucky as I am”

_Here's one for those long late nights_

_When there's no well for wishing_

_Out at the edge of might have been and what's left to lose_

_If I can't speak the words_

_To give you what you're missing_

_I'll sing to you_

**Author's Note:**

> As I was writing, I heard a lot of Casey's other original songs and boy do I have a couple more stories to write now!  
> Comments and kudos make my day <3  
> All the love <3


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